52 Weeks of happy 43/52

What craziness...this week has crashed, bammed and boomed away. I felt miserable for a couple of days, tearful and emotional, but all is better now and I can focus on having the next week off work with Alice and Andy during half term hols. Yay. We have plans to have fun as well as relax next week.

So, I did manage to capture my less miserable moments this week, here goes

My woodland lunch break and a row or two of crochet on my new blanket with my internet ordered Drops Paris cotton. It suggests a 5mm hook or needles but I chose a 4mm hook to make it a bit more tight. It's a little "splitty" when you crochet with it, but generally I am happy with the resulting crochet. I'll show you more as this progresses hopefully this coming week.

I treated myself to a new Moleskine address book. A sweet little red one this week. I don't know about you, but I have had quite a few address books in my adult life and they kind of represent a history of my life so far and whom I've met and whom I've stayed in contact with and people who have flitted into and then out of my life during my adult years. I feel a new phase coming on with culling my current address book to the people that I currently love and keep in touch with.
On a side note my poor mum still has all the trillions of addresses I had in my first year and a half of working after University and then during my travels for a year thereafter. It's a nice bit of history is what I tell her :o) and she did once tell me to "keep moving till you are happy"!

Look! I finished crocheting a large granny square blanket for one of Alice's friends who will be 13 in November. The colours were chosen by Alice and the border was her choice too. Emily will be getting some paint brushes and a cheap baking book we found here. I don't mind indulging a wee bit for Alice's 2 close friends and they seem to like getting a little hand made something from me too which always makes me happy. Emily and Alice are baking buddies and have already arranged an afternoon of mess fun this half term to bake up a storm.

Aahh Autumn, you little beauty, how I love thee.

 

Last, but not least some very moist and very delicious polenta and lemon cake topped with raspberries had with a big pot of tea from here.

Now that was comfort food if ever there was.

 

Happy days to you and yours

see you all soon

xox

 

Nature in the home

How beautiful, if not a bit blustery has our Autumn been so far? I was out in the countryside visiting patients today and the sun was shining a glorious yellow through all the countryside autumnal coloured leaves, I felt like I was on a bit of a nature high :o)

When I stopped to have my sandwich at about 1pm I pulled over and found a pretty woodland spot to potter around in and found these pretties to contribute to Lou of Little Green Shed's new season Nature in the Home series. I have loved seeing the previous series on various blogs and have been waiting to take part.

As you can see my crochet goes out in the car with me. 10 minutes to eat my sandwich, 10 minutes to potter about in the woodlands and fresh air and 10 minutes to do another row of the new cotton baby blanket I am making for my sister-in-law who is expecting her second baba in March next year.

I do hope that all these beautiful days of the earth changing her colours is inspiring you whether it be Spring or Autumn. Enjoy!

See you all soon

xox

Penny

Postcard #4 What I've learnt from life so far

This is what I am doing here

Hello, it's postcard time again. I chose this title because I am hoping it will be a good conversation piece in the comments below as there are loads of things I am yet to learn from my funny old life and I hope you may be able to add one or two of your things that you have learnt from your life so far?

So, here goes...

Be kind
It just goes without saying really, just be kind. It doesn't cost you anything and seems to have a ripple effect on those who you show kindness too, for they in turn will hopefully be kind to the next person they encounter.

Have good self worth
Knowing the truth about myself and that my self worth is not wrapped up in what other people might think of me. It's not always easy as doubt can creep in and sometimes it's easy to let someone make you feel like poo. I try not to let people whom I have just met or people who barely know me make me feel self deprecating thoughts about how I look, act and am. I like to turn things around and if I feel someone is doing this, I ask myself Why? They must have some deep seated reason or insecurity for looking at me like that or treating me like that. That makes it their problem, not mine :o) Sorted! As long as I am not offending or hurting anyone who matters to me then I can't see why I would let someone affect me this way.

Forgive
My goodness this is a life long lesson, I just love it though. Forgiveness frees me from carrying any anger or hurt or pain that I feel someone has done unto me. I love that I can search in my heart and forgive them and pray that if I have done any of the same things to anyone else that they can forgive me.
By me forgiving I feel like it stops me from holding a grudge which is so easy and tempting to do at times. It ends at forgiveness and we move on. I'm not saying that I am perfect at this, oh no...it is a lesson that will test me for the rest of my life, but so far from what I have learnt I think I am reaping the benefits.

Don't stop learning
I love learning, I am a real nerd when it comes to learning. Mind you this only happened to me as an adult, if I could do the bare minimum at school I would. I only started loving learning at University doing subjects that mostly thrilled me and thereafter.
I just LOVE books and English literature and poetry. I love learning new things everyday in my scientific job and not only am I always learning new facts in my medical world, but I am also learning from all the patients I see, that human kind of learning that books can't always teach you.
I get bored easily and have to be stimulated with either written words or listening to interesting and topical programmes. I cannot image what it must feel like to stop learning, this is a gift that we have been given. I never want to take it for granted.

Keep my ego in check
I make mistakes all the time, I can be clumsy, I mess up, I fall short of what people might expect of me, but I hope that I admit this and pride doesn't get in the way. My ego is something I have to stop and have a giggle at, it needs to be put in it's place and can sometimes have a wild overinflated personality and hyper inflated view of itself. I have to laugh at it and pull it back in line before it gets out of hand. I hope that I am self aware enough to do this before it's too late.

Eat well and sleep lots
Ok, not always possible , but I know that everything is 100 times worse when I am tired and grumpy and a moany pants. Having had a baby made me very aware of this, how on earth did I survive on so little sleep in the early years? Alice slept through the night for the first time when she was 3 years old and then again at about 5 when she started to sleep much more consistently. I love my bed and sleeping is like a ceremony to me. I am a bit of a night owl and have to curb this habit during the week when I am working.
Eating yummy food is so important to me. I love food and am even more grumpy if I don't get it on time :o)

Laugh
Why do clichés always come true as you get older? Yes, laughter is the best medicine and especially when I can laugh at myself. I love people with a good sense of humour and dry wit.

Being a parent is good
I never thought I would have a baby. I'm so glad I did as it's changed and enriched my life in countless ways. It's better than I ever expected and my maternal instincts were there all along. Now that did surprise me as I never gravitated towards babies or little children. Now I love them. It's not always good, but hey any heartache or difficult times are so far outweighed by the good ones.

Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you
Another cliché, but jeepers it's so true. I won't say anymore, as it's self explanatory. Its a tough learning curve and one I want to always be working at.

 I can choose my happiness
I have realised that over the years I can control how I deal with my emotions which are usually automatic and out of my control. How I choose to feel about how someone may have treated me is up to me.
You can’t change others, but you can change your expectations and your reactions to their actions. It's hard work and will be an on going journey, but I think I am learning more and more about this as time goes by. I wish I had known this when I was younger.

I worry less
It's weird, but I know that I worry a lot less than I did when I was younger. I once saw that poster saying "worry is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but gets you no where" and I think I like this a lot. It might also be to do with my faith, when I know I can pray and hand over any worries, it helps me tremendously.
When I went travelling in my early 20's I used to think to myself if I was worried about something "What's the worst thing that can happen to me?" The answer was that I would have to use my 1 year return flight ticket to go back home. If that happened, so what? It would not have been that devastating.

You are not responsible for someone else's behaviour
I learnt this lesson very painfully in my early 20's with a rather awkward boyfriend I had at the time and kept making excuses for his (in my parents eyes) weird behaviour. He thought he was much more of an intellectual than what he was and thought of himself as a bit of a nihilist and was into existentialism in a big way which irritated my parents somewhat. How I fell for him I don't know, but you know what they say...love is blind!
I learnt not to be responsible for his behaviour and it was painful believe me. I told myself to try and carry on thinking like this in the different circumstances that life would throw at me and it has helped not to be embarrassed about someone else's behaviour. Long may it last :o)


Be very silly at times
We all have a little child inside of us and sometimes my little child likes to come out and play a little too often. It's a good thing I think and it helps when you have children I think. Being silly and a bit of tom foolery never go amiss in my life.

Make stuff
I just can't help how important it is to me to always appreciate the beauty of human hands and how very grateful I am that I have them and can use them to make stuff. I adore hands and would have paintings of them all over the house if I could, old and young. The incredible gifts of creativity that we can use our hands to make always overwhelms me. The passing down of skills and craftsmanship from generation to generation by using our hands is a supreme thing of joy. I love that life in these 43 years has taught me how valuable my hands are and the occupation of making is one I hope to enjoy for many more years to come.

There are so many other things that life has taught me so far, my goodness I could go on and on and on....but, my bubble bath awaits. So farewell for now and have a great week ahead.

Let me know a secret or two of what life has taught you thus far, I'd love to know (I'm nosey like that!)

xox

Penny

 

52 weeks of happy 42/52

Hello again, it's that time of the week to gather some of those sweet little happy things from my week.

 

First up was the fabulous news that I had won, not 1 but 2 giveaways! My goodness how did that happen? I love both the blogs that I won them on and just comment anyway because of their beautiful content. My first win can be seen here on Jen's lovely blog Hand Knitted Things. I am so excited to knit up these sweet houses. Thank you so much Jen.

 

My second winning was from lovely Gillian's blog Tales from a Happy Home which can be seen here. Oh golly gosh, its a stunner and is on it's way to me as we speak. I'll show you next week. Thank you so much Gillian. What a lucky girl am I to win 2 special gifts, Christmas has come early this year :o)

 

We have been pumpkin and squash shopping in the rain to make some soup and I just got a thrill from seeing these beauties. Their colours, shapes and textures. Gorgeous!

 

I came home to a home made Tiramisu made from this recipe. Alice had the day off school on Thursday due to Teacher strikes and so she decided it would be good fun for her and Daddy to bake. It was a delicious and very indulgent way to end my day!

We have also been crunching through the fallen leaves and nature table collecting. I wanted to collect some rosehips to make some rosehip oil from this recipe. It sounds like it could be great for those mid-winter dry skin spells.

Last, but not least I have been crocheting a blanket for one of Alice's friends for her 13th birthday. Colours chosen by Alice.

Such a pleasure to go round and round a large granny square, easy rhythmic crocheting to soothes the days stresses away.

Thanks for all those who visited and commented on my last postcards post. I really appreciated it. Have a great (looks like wet where we live)weekend everyone and see you all soon xox Penny

Postcard #3: The hardest thing I have ever done

This is what I am doing here

Ok, so I don't want to get too heavy here on this old blog of mine, but I did commit to doing 10 postcards and this title out of the 31 titles of confessions jumped out at me this evening.

The hardest thing I think I have ever gone through was a weekend of seeing my husband (to be at the time, we were not married yet) having a breakdown and entering into a psychotic episode of delusions and paranoia in 2005. Convincing him that he needed to go to hospital and be assessed was heartbreaking and because we were living in separate towns at the time he had to be 

transferred to where he lived as he was registered with his GP there. I don't want to go into all the details and immense emotional roller coaster that ensued, as I have compartmentalised them and they are safely dealt with and we have moved on. I just remember eventually after a whole day in A & E being transported to a mental health unit in Brighton where I had to admit him and then helped him settle into a room with an en-suite. He was so unwell and very delusional, a 6'4" man standing like a little boy lost. It was so frightening and shocking to witness someone you love going through such torment and in such a vulnerable place. 

The hardest part was walking away.I broke down in what felt like primal sobbing at the time and have never felt so alone.

Alice was 5 at the time and she spent the day and night at a good friends home and remained none the wiser. My priority was to protect her and keep things as normal as possible for her. 

The shock of it all caused me to stutter for about 3 weeks.

Months went by and slowly Andy got better having been diagnosed with schizoid affective disorder, I learnt about what his triggers were and we have managed well with various strategies to help reduce the triggers. He had done so well up until last year when his work became so stressful he had another breakdown and had to be admitted to a mental health unit locally. Unfortunately, extreme stress is a massive trigger for him and we were aware of this, but some times it just takes one tiny extra drop of water into the cup to make it overflow and this is what happened. I felt more prepared and coped a bit better I think, it was still shocking and extremely distressing especially for Alice who was almost 12 at the time. That killed me not being able to fully protect her, but we have had lots of time to talk things through and I hope and pray I have been able to support her as much as possible and that Andy will remain well.

Life is so precious my friends, so delicate and fragile. I believe in love and this is the most powerful thing for me during these very hard moments in my life. I do believe that I am richer for these experiences and more wise about mental health. Life certainly has it's challenges, all relative to each and everyone of us and I wish you all very good health.

If you like TED talks there are some great ones on mental health, I especially liked this one and this one.

Thanks for stopping and see you soon

xox

Nine things I just can't handle

This is what I am doing here

Ok, so there are plenty of worldly things I just can't handle like injustice, greed, suffering, lots of isms like absolutism, sexism, racism, classism, ageism etc. I cannot handle loads of human traits and behaviours like arrogance, rudeness, unkindness, cruelty, ignorance and stupidity. There are 101 things I could list here and bore you with, however I promise not to. This post of 9 things I can't handle are going to focus on the more "everyday" things that I just can't handle, so here goes.... :o)

1. Pressure on women to be a certain size

This seriously freaks me out, I meet women who are wracked with so many negative emotions that cripple them on a daily basis. What on earth is going on here? All those hours, days, months, years wasted on obsessing about punishing themselves to follow poorly balanced restricted diets that do so much more harm than  good in the long run.  I am a Dietitian specialising in oncology care and in 23 years of working in this profession it still hurts me inside when I see/hear women who have partners/husbands who want them to be a certain size. The other day I saw a beautiful and wonderfully brave woman in one of my clinics who has survived a cancer and is really struggling with her weight as she is about 4stone overweight from her treatment and comfort eating which she freely admitted to. She said her husband can't cope with her current size and is too embarrassed to hold her hand or show any affection in public. This reminded me of how much I can't handle this kind of behaviour, it hurts and infuriates me too much.

2. Orange and chocolate combination

Oh my goodness, who invented this hideous combination? Sorry I know that it's a very popular choice here in the UK and I don't want to annoy those of you who love Jaffa cakes and Terry's chocolate orange, but please I just can't handles this. If Jaffa cakes ever make an appearance in our kitchen cupboards you can be assured that they will remain just as you left them for I would never be tempted. Ever!

3. People who don't wash the bath out after having one

Ok ok this is just the most super gross thing, not only am I going to relax in my own dirty water, but PLEASE can I not have yours to relax in too.

4. Fruit and veg that is the wrong texture

I am confessing to being that very irritating person in the supermarket who lightly presses all the fruit and veg I buy. I cannot handle soft, floury apples eeeeeuuugghhh they give me the hebbies and over ripe tomatoes eeeekkkk they have to be firm please. Any hint of a fruit or veg not being the right texture they get cooked and included in a pudding or sauce which helps me cope with eating them.

5. Getting dressed up

I love going to special parties, celebrations, occasions etc but am absolutely pants at getting dressed up. It's got worse as I have got older, the most posh frock I have is my wedding dress and that was plain and simple £140.00 from an Oxfam wedding shop (it hadn't been worn before,lots of dresses are often donated to Oxfam from wedding shows). I don't own silky, velvet or Lacey things. If I had my way I would wear jeans and a hippy shirt with flowers and accessories. I feel so much more comfortable like this. I get really anxious thinking of what I can wear just for a simple Christmas party. How I wish I was girly and good at this kind of thing, but alas I am who I am.

6. People looking in disbelief when I tell them I go to church

Ok, so I love God and love going to my vibrant and spirit filled church. I don't know what people who go to church should look like but, I guess I'm not it ? Does make me smile x

7. The telly being on unnecessarily 

Who is with me on this one? It's an absolute pet hate, I really think that the tv must stay off until someone is actually going to watch it. I was lucky enough not to get a telly until about 1977/8 when TV first came to South Africa in 1976. I have very fond memories of sitting around the wireless with my family listening to radio programs and as we moved into the 80's our family time declined as we started watching tv more and more with our dinners on our laps. It was the beginning of the end for me in many ways, we communicated less and became more disjointed I think as a family. I therefore have a slightly love hate relationship with the tv.

8. Waste

I don't like anything to be wasted, paper, food, cosmetics, scraps of yarn, electricity, gas, energy etc. Sorry, but I just can't handle waste.

9. Coffee

Yep, that's me, coffee makes my head buzz in a bad way. I can just about cope with a cup of weak instant coffee, but the strong stuff in cappuccino's and espresso makes me dizzy :o) if I meet up with someone for "a coffee" I always choose the softer option, tea. Tea tea tea how I love thee, addicted to you I am.

Thanks for visiting and welcome to new followers too. 

What can't you handle? 

I'd love to know :o)

xox

52 weeks of happy 41/52

Hello there

The weather has turned somewhat in the past 24 hours and I was very surprised when Andy put the heating on for an hour yesterday evening as he normally likes to avoid it until we really need it. Must be getting old! Have you put your heating on yet? It's a sure sign that Winter has arrived in my mind. Pull our extra thick feathered quilts and blankets from the attic time. Yay, I love a candle light home with cosiness as the season changes.

This week, I've had the displeasure of a head cold and had to have Wednesday off work, which did me the world of good, just resting, snoozing and reading. I need this weekend to fully recover though. I have, however found some sweet moments of happiness, mostly of the yarn kind...so here goes....

I finished crocheting these DIVINELY WARM bobble fingerless gloves and wrist warmers. Oh my goodness, this yarn that I bought from a local lady (link) who dyes and spins her own yarn, last December in a Christmas market is gorgeous and so my colours and so warm and so cosy its like wearing a sheep on each hand :o) The pattern can be found in this favourite Erica Knight book I bought a while back now. It's a lovely book full of delicious pictures and colours of earthy yarn and inspiring easy makes. (Excuse the hand poses, this is always a weird thing taking photo's of one's hands)My hands will be as warm as toast with these this Winter, yay.

Autumn is all about Apples for me in England and I picked some apples and made a heart warming apple crumble last night, lots of cinnamon and mixed spice too.

We have an "outhouse" loo downstairs, lovely old fashioned loo with ball and chain type flushing mechanism. We tend to use it in the Summer as its not heated in the Winter and I have waited rather patiently for Andy to finish painting it this Autumn and the wooden door which I bought a door knob for years ago. This week of extended warm sunshine inspired him and he did it, so here is my pretty birdie ceramic door knob made by Judith Rowe, a local ceramicist. Her work is gorgeous and she sells it here.

I have drooled over these 2 books in Waterstones but didn't have the pennies to purchase...bring on Christmas lists!

Last, but not least I've been enjoying the therapeutic rhythm of knitting with Drops yarn to make Alice's requested scarf. I love knitting with old fashioned plastic needles, they remind me of my childhood knitting attempts.

Thanks for all of you who have come to read my  first"confession postcard"(and for your lovely comments which I loved reading)WOW...what was I thinking? Oh well, I must be brave and press on with the next one (watch this space).

Happy days to you and yours lovely bloggy friends

xox

Penny