Thanks for all your lovely comments and conversation lately, I must also apologise for not always popping into your blogs, time is always crazy during the week, however I have a little more time for me over the weekends and endeavour to say hello on your lovely blogs.
Alice skipped through the door yesterday, after school much to my delight. She has been having a bit of an emotional time lately, the first year of high school is testing isn't it? So many ups and downs and learning that all teachers are not the same , that you can't like everyone and that not everyone likes you and all the on and off, then on again girly friendships in the break times and out of school. Nothing prepares you for these times and I find myself drawing on my inner resources of creating a stable and safe and secure homely , happy-go-lucky life for our girl. Andy really helps too and sometimes he can have a less emotional approach to a situation, helping to level these things out.
I try my very best not to get too emotionally involved and try to reason through different situations with her, try to feel what she might be feeling and always draw on my own experiences of being a teenager and high school beginnings. It can be so heart breaking when you desperately want to make it "all better" and yet you know this would not be real life and you have to ride the hurt with them.
A few nights ago she burst into tears and after some comforting she told me that she had been given her first detention for sucking on a mint because she had a sore throat. I lightened the situation saying that mama had had plenty of different detentions from having to weed the school gardens to writing an essay on "My life inside a ping pong ball"! She then told me how she was afraid of letting me and Andy down, I felt so sad about this and wondered if we have been overtly or even covertly putting pressure on her? I really don't think we have and she puts a lot of this on herself. This led to a chat about how far from perfect mama and papa are and how I always felt that my parents were infallible to a certain degree and only in my 20's when family things happened and I realised that my Mum and Dad could also mess up just like me. It was a shock to me at the time, looking back now I wonder why it didn't happen when I was younger, mid-20's seems quite old for this to have happened.
I don't want Alice to wait till her mid-20's when she realises that her parents are actually human and just as capable of making mistakes and falling far from perfection. I know that our children look up to and learn so much from our behaviour and how we choose to live our lives and I am not taking this away from her, rather gently introducing her to the fact that it's impossible to always do "the right thing" and that our mistakes are what make us human in many ways.
I think Alice felt comforted and reassured by our chat and telling me that I am "The best mum in the world" is always a tell tale sign as I am sure you have all experienced this too. Just her showing her gratitude for having me listen and understand, reason about the situation and offer reassurance and guidance on the way forward.
Back to beginning of this little story, after skipping through the front door she promptly presented her pet rock called Marcus and one of her friends, Becky's pet rock called Mildred which I had made for them many moons ago. She told me that they were getting married this weekend when she was going to Becky's for a sleepover tonight.
I promptly removed their old dirty covers after having lived in their school lockers for most of Year 7 and made a pink cover for Mildred and a mustard one for Marcus, suitable Pebble wedding attire me thinks :o)
What made me more than pleased was to see that Alice at 12, almost 13 could still "play" a little and just be free spirited without the weight of the world on her shoulders and the demands of school and friendships. Yes, she reminded me to remember to play a little, so I did and spent this morning in the sunshine drinking tea, listening to the radio and covering a couple of pebbles for my amusement (the 2 green ones above).
Thanks for stopping by and letting me share this with you lovelies, I feel better now for recording and sharing this as I am sure some of this may resonate with some of you too.
Alice skipped through the door yesterday, after school much to my delight. She has been having a bit of an emotional time lately, the first year of high school is testing isn't it? So many ups and downs and learning that all teachers are not the same , that you can't like everyone and that not everyone likes you and all the on and off, then on again girly friendships in the break times and out of school. Nothing prepares you for these times and I find myself drawing on my inner resources of creating a stable and safe and secure homely , happy-go-lucky life for our girl. Andy really helps too and sometimes he can have a less emotional approach to a situation, helping to level these things out.
I try my very best not to get too emotionally involved and try to reason through different situations with her, try to feel what she might be feeling and always draw on my own experiences of being a teenager and high school beginnings. It can be so heart breaking when you desperately want to make it "all better" and yet you know this would not be real life and you have to ride the hurt with them.
A few nights ago she burst into tears and after some comforting she told me that she had been given her first detention for sucking on a mint because she had a sore throat. I lightened the situation saying that mama had had plenty of different detentions from having to weed the school gardens to writing an essay on "My life inside a ping pong ball"! She then told me how she was afraid of letting me and Andy down, I felt so sad about this and wondered if we have been overtly or even covertly putting pressure on her? I really don't think we have and she puts a lot of this on herself. This led to a chat about how far from perfect mama and papa are and how I always felt that my parents were infallible to a certain degree and only in my 20's when family things happened and I realised that my Mum and Dad could also mess up just like me. It was a shock to me at the time, looking back now I wonder why it didn't happen when I was younger, mid-20's seems quite old for this to have happened.
I don't want Alice to wait till her mid-20's when she realises that her parents are actually human and just as capable of making mistakes and falling far from perfection. I know that our children look up to and learn so much from our behaviour and how we choose to live our lives and I am not taking this away from her, rather gently introducing her to the fact that it's impossible to always do "the right thing" and that our mistakes are what make us human in many ways.
I think Alice felt comforted and reassured by our chat and telling me that I am "The best mum in the world" is always a tell tale sign as I am sure you have all experienced this too. Just her showing her gratitude for having me listen and understand, reason about the situation and offer reassurance and guidance on the way forward.
Back to beginning of this little story, after skipping through the front door she promptly presented her pet rock called Marcus and one of her friends, Becky's pet rock called Mildred which I had made for them many moons ago. She told me that they were getting married this weekend when she was going to Becky's for a sleepover tonight.
I promptly removed their old dirty covers after having lived in their school lockers for most of Year 7 and made a pink cover for Mildred and a mustard one for Marcus, suitable Pebble wedding attire me thinks :o)
What made me more than pleased was to see that Alice at 12, almost 13 could still "play" a little and just be free spirited without the weight of the world on her shoulders and the demands of school and friendships. Yes, she reminded me to remember to play a little, so I did and spent this morning in the sunshine drinking tea, listening to the radio and covering a couple of pebbles for my amusement (the 2 green ones above).
Thanks for stopping by and letting me share this with you lovelies, I feel better now for recording and sharing this as I am sure some of this may resonate with some of you too.
Take special care
xox
Penny
Oh dear, high school can be so hard. Hope your daughter settles in soon. Love the pet rocks - obviously your daughter and her friend love them too. xoxox
ReplyDeleteI think you are probably doing everything right Penny. Teenagers (I know she's not quite a teen yet) need to know that whatever happens at school they can come home to unconditional love and security, whatever they may say.
ReplyDeleteI love that she still enjoys play. At that age is still loved playing with my sindy dolls, even though I told anyone who listened that they were for babies. Also, thanks so much for your comments - they are always so kind and thoughtful. Have a great weekend. x
Oh Penny yes I've been there and, even though my girls are a bit older, there are still rocky times when just talking it out is the best reassurance they can have - all part of being a mum! I remember being a similar age when I realised mum and dad weren't quite as perfect as I'd always thought they were - I think leaving home gives you a new perspective on things. Your girl sounds like she has a wonderful supportive home and while friendships and other daily paraphernalia come and go, that will keep her strong. And the rocks are fab!! Jane x
ReplyDeleteYour pebbles are so cute - what a lovely way to spend a morning.,,,mmmmm....sitting in the sun and drinking tea and a bit of crafty goodness. Perfect. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's great that Alice still enjoys 'childish' games-kids grow up way too fast nowadays and I think it's a bit sad that childhood slips away so early.
You are obviously a very lovely, kind and understanding Mum ... who definitely deserves a morning playing with pebbles in the sun ... Bee xx
ReplyDeleteYes that transition isn't the easiest is it!!! Phew real roller coaster, with your empathy and understanding I think she's going to be just fine! And the dads are just so much better at being practical and pragmatic about things, wish I could be! :) x
ReplyDeleteHi Penny, I'm always happy when my now teenage boys play simple games with no technology. I had a vivid imagination as a child and loved to play make believe games , I think I need to make my boys a pet rock :0)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you and Alice have a great mother , daughter relationship.
Jacquie x
Oh, it does resonate Penny, having four children oh goodness it does. And there is this terrible balancing act between helping them to grow up without their losing sight of the child within. I hope I succeeded but you can never be sure. That said one of my daughters just had a birthday (26, how is that possible! Should add I was all but a child bride hehe!) and she still had her face painted when we were at a show at the weekend ... love that she still knows how to play too!
ReplyDeleteAh Penny, those years are so hard aren't they? That period of transition through many aspects of their lives; yup, all you can do is be there with the love and stability, and show by example how to respond to life's challenges. Alice will have an excellent grounding. It's a terrifying thought as a parent when you realise you really cannot mend everything, or shield them from everything when they set off more on their own.
ReplyDeleteBTW - on a lighter note! I LOVE that variegated green yarn you have on the rock! Mmmm! Lx
Oh my - it is heart wrenching stuff isn't it. I recently told my 13 year old that for my A levels I wrote out all the lyrics to Elton John songs - she was as shocked as shocked but it needed to be told! I now have a Bachelor of Science and a Master of Science degrees and many others besides. You are right they need to know that we are fallible too but it all comes good in the end.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes
Jenny
PS Lovely rocks!
Aw that's very sweet, I remember going to highschool and bring struck that no one played! They just sat and chatted :( I'm sure Alice will be just fine, there are always good & bad times, but sounds like she's got a great friend (I mean who has a pet rock who isn't awesome?!) so she'll be able to get through it x
ReplyDeleteLucky Alice! I knew in my teens that all was not perfect with my folks - the horrible part was that they could not admit it. It took them decades to come around to the fact that they made plenty of mistakes in our bringing-up. (By then it didn't seem to matter so much - but I could really have used such an admission when I was a teenager at home.)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you are doing the right thing.
Congratulations to Marcus and Mildred on their approaching nuptials. :)
:)
Lovely pebbles.. I also crocheted few, but my covers can't be removed.
ReplyDeleteNo one is perfect, but we can aim to be so, as to become better persons. I am glad you managed the situation with your daughter, she will definitely be more relaxed now about making mistakes sometimes.
Have a wonderful week!